Addressing Fear

Fear and anxiety can cripple. My mind can turn a small, nagging worry into a giant monster. Circumstances are often uncontrollable, but I’ve spend hours, days, months, even years being consumed with anxiety over things beyond my control. I attended a women’s adventure retreat several years ago and was blown away by how much we all discussed anxiety. This isn’t new, isn’t rare, and I’m not alone.

Today I journaled about fear. Getting my fears and worries into words often removes some of the power they hold over me. This morning it was about my family, specifically my step kids. I chose to write down as many “what ifs” that I could think of specifically related to my worries. You might think this could induce a full state of panic but it didn’t. It was actually calming to get it all out on paper. It gave me a chance to see them written out, realize what was and what wasn’t even possible, what was and what wasn’t within my control, and then to let go of some of the possibilities I’d been churning over and over inside my brain for the better part of the last few days. 

I then wrote about the truths I know. There are just some things that I KNOW are true because God says they are and I trust Him and the abilities and qualities and traits He has given me. I also trust and believe that He is who He says He is. I wrote down all the things I know to be true that pertained to my fears. This helped me. It didn’t eliminate the fear and anxiety, but it changed it into something that might not even be mine to worry about. I changed my perspective from one that was narrow and focused on little details into something that looked at the bigger picture, focusing instead on being grateful for what I have instead of wishing things were different.

Finding something or someone you believe to be trustworthy and letting that something or someone speak into your life can help change the way you look at things in the best way. It also shows you that you aren’t alone, which is a huge gift in a world that is slowly isolating itself behind tiny screens and profiles and highlight reels of photos. 

I worry a lot about a lot. It can easily consume me. Whether it’s not feeling adequate, overthinking the future (which hasn’t even happened yet!), unhappiness with my body (I’m too ______ or I wish I was more like ____ ), step momming (am I doing it “right”?…whatever that means), money (will I have enough for the future?…which again hasn’t even happened and isn’t a guarantee; am I spending it right? how can I get more?), relationships with friends and family…the list can go on and on and on…worrying about them adds nothing to my life. In fact it steals the joy out of each of those minutes, days, months, and years. Ain’t nobody gonna steal the joy in my heart!

So I write. I acknowledge fear’s existence. I let go. I pray. I move forward, knowing that I can either give life to the fear that arises or I can give it up, knowing that in doing so I’ll find peace. And peace brings me into the present, which is where I want to live.