Write a Letter

Have you ever given someone advice and almost immediately turned around and had to take that advice yourself?

Last week a good friend was telling me she was at a loss for what to do with a tough relationship in her own life and I told her about my letter-writing technique, which she gratefully tried. Several days later, here I am, writin’ letters of my own.

I have written many letters to people over the years. Generally these are people I’m struggling to communicate verbally with, or who have hurt me, or me them. Some of these have been to people who aren’t even part of my life anymore, but who have warranted me sorting through our past issues on paper. Letters to family, friends, ex’s and even myself. 

Some of these letters have found their way to their subjects, but many have not. A lot of times, just writing out my thoughts “to” them is enough for me to be able to let go and forgive any hurt, bad feelings or resentment I’ve harbored. Sometimes I’ve recognized that the problem was never with the other person, but was hidden in my own personal struggles and hangups.

I wrote my stepson one of these letters last week in the midst of a communication breakdown. Interactions had become tense and we had exchanged unpleasant words. This letter was one I delivered. He deserved to read those words, especially the apology part. Writing allowed me to process my own feelings without the emotion of the in-person conversation. In doing so I was able to cut through the barriers of my own pride and stubbornness, remember the love I have for him, choose THAT, and go from there. We moved on to yet another chapter in the “Dawn trying to figure out stepparenting” book. It’s quite a read, let me tell ya.

Relationships are so important. Sometimes we treat the people we care deeply about the worst. But I don’t want it to end there, excusing bad behavior. I want to purposefully move forward, working on improving the relationships around me starting with myself, my flaws, my shortcomings, and my responsibility.

Is there any relationship in your life that writing a letter would help? Help you? Help them? Repair damage? Extend forgiveness to? Forgive, whether or not they ever even ask for it? Let go and move on? Try it out and see how you feel after. I’d love to know how it goes for you.

Check your mail.