Dear Social Media

Hello! It’s been awhile! I know I’ve been a little distant lately so I thought I’d reach out.

I’d ask how you’ve been but I’m sure I can guess what your answer is. It’s the response of most these days- “BUSY.” It seems like 2020 is your craziest year yet. There has been no shortage of things going on to keep you completely preoccupied.

I can imagine you’re swamped with:

• A global pandemic that has changed everyone’s life in some way.
• An election that has divided our country like no other election ever has.
• Social justice issues that are deep rooted and ongoing.
• Devastating wildfires and hurricanes that have destroyed hundreds of homes and wrecked, or even ended lives in their path.

• Not to mention the countless opinions of your users regarding all of said activity. 

Whew! How do you find the time to rest? It seems like you just don’t. Ever. 

You’re always there. Ready to be used and scrolled through at any moment of the day or night. Aren’t you exhausted already? You don’t look like you’re slowing down or taking a break anytime soon. 

I’ve been doing some thinking.

I have a confession. 

I need space. 

I need #MySpace (see what I did there?).

Our relationship started decades ago. 

Like most relationships, it was really fun at first. I loved looking up people I hadn’t talked to in years and seeing what they were up to. I loved building my profile out with the perfect soundtrack (anyone recall that option?) and background photo. And those friend requests you would send me! They felt like validation of who I was- people liked me and wanted to be my friend. Seeing that little number increase gave me a sense of confidence.

But you see, that sense of confidence and validation was never meant to be found in YOU. 

When we would spend too much time together, I would often part with you feeling worse than before we hung out. Sometimes I would feel depressed seeing what other people were getting to do/buy/be. I would feel empty, wondering why I couldn’t do/buy/be what they were or had. That should have been a sign long ago.

And all those perfectly airbrushed photos of celebrities and “influencers”? Dang…it was torture. Why couldn’t I look like them? Or have even a tenth of what they had? 

Like any toxic relationship, it’s been tough to extract myself from you. You’re just always there. Waiting. Ready. Available for me to log into.

I just can’t do what we’ve been doing anymore. It isn’t healthy for me. 

To be fair, I think you are really cool in some ways. You allow me to see into people’s lives in a way that is really unique. Not all my friends and family live near me- in fact those closest to me don’t. You give me a window into their lives that compliments that actual relationship I have with them. I can talk TO them on the phone or in-person and see who they are outside of the screen. That is reality. Sometimes, most times actually, you just don’t give an accurate picture of what is real. 

I want to see and to be more of what’s real. You don’t often reflect that for me. 

I have a finite amount of time, effort, energy, and emotional capacity and the fact is, I’ve let you take WAY too much of all of those from me. 

I’ve also allowed you to influence how I feel about people based on what they post. I don’t like that. I want to see a person for who they are, not who they allow you to portray them to be. We are all people first and opinion second (or even further down the line). No longer will I allow you to change how I feel about someone. I want to love those around me and you make it really difficult. 

If I’m being 100% honest, you scare me. Do you hear me when I’m not even logged in to you? Suggestions pop up based on things you think I might need or want or be interested in before I even mention them to you. Are you watching me when I don’t realize it? That’s stalker-like. I don’t want you to have access into my mind in that way anymore.

So this is to let you know that I’m taking back the control. I get to say how much I take in of your influence. Basically, I’m telling you that I’m turning you into a tool. If I need you for something, I’ll use you. If I want to intentionally check out a person or a post, I’ll use you for that. But the days of mindlessly scrolling through your pages and spending too much time with you are over. 

I still want to be friends, just not spend as much time together. I know you’ll be agreeable to that because I know you aren’t going anywhere.

Also, just so you know, you are the only one I would ever tell this to…because at the end of the day, you just don’t matter that much. You aren’t a person. You aren’t reality. You aren’t meant to be used for hours every day and allowed to speak into my life in the way I’ve allowed you to for years. 

It’s not “it’s not you, it’s me.” 

…it IS you.

Sincerely, 

Dawn

PS- If you need to reach me, I’ve turned all my notifications off, so I’ll get back to you when it works best for me…for my health, my wellbeing, and my time.