Yesterday

Our world, as we know it, is changed. We are changed. From here forward things will look different. We will be different. 

The day before yesterday my family and I had taken most of the day to deep clean our home. We wiped down every surface, disinfected floors, and enacted a “no-shoes in the house rule”. We came up with a family plan, one that included what we were going to do, what we were going to stop doing, and what we were going to limit ourselves to. In this process, I gained a small sense of “control” in the midst of a lot of unknowns, mixed information, fear, and confusion.

Then came yesterday. The day started out nicely, with us “attending” church from our living room. The sermon was applicable, titled “The Beauty of Being Stuck”. It called us to find ways to collaborate with others even in the midst of distancing ourselves from them physically. Sweet. I liked it. 

The afternoon found me confused, frustrated, and anxious. I was pacing around the house trying to FINISH something, but the problem was, I couldn’t concentrate. I couldn’t focus on ANYthing, except regularly unlocking my phone and reading the latest news. (#unhelpful)

I put on a crap tv show to distract myself, which usually works. I can’t even tell you what it was or what it was about. I couldn’t pay attention.

I stress ate. I don’t even like cereal and I had 2 bowls of it, along with other miscellaneous food items. This left me feeling sick, as stress eating often does.

I sat down to do my favorite thing when I can’t focus…write. But the words wouldn’t come. I had no words. 

So…I jumped in my car and drove to a trailhead. Nevermind that a storm was raging in the Sierra. Nevermind that the trail was wet and muddy. Nevermind that it was freezing cold. I bundled up and took off.

I needed to walk. 

So I did. I put one foot in front of the other. I started out listening to a podcast. Even though the words were interesting, my mind wasn’t processing them; I might as well have been listening to white noise. I switched it to a playlist on my Spotify profile titled “trust”, full of songs with words that I believe are true and that lift my spirits. 

It worked.

Without even prompting myself to do so I mentally began listing all the things I am grateful for right now. I did this for almost the whole 5 miles. I came back to my car in a different state than I was when I left it. I let go. I prayed. I told God the truths that I believe about Him. I thanked Him for loving me. I saw the beauty in the storm, and in being in the storm, but still standing. An unexplainable peace settled in my heart.

• 

• 

I do not know what the future here on earth holds. None of us do. What I do know is that yesterday, I was struggling. I was feeling the weight of what is happening right now. I felt fear trying to creep in. I was lost without the things I usually rely on to bring me peace. My walk redirected my busy mind to the one thing that brings me true peace, no matter what the circumstances are, which is my faith.

I share all of this to encourage you. Can you relate with the state of mind I described? I know I am not alone in this.

You are not alone right now, either. We are all processing and dealing with this in different ways, but we actually are all in this together, social distancing aside.

When you get stuck, do something that brings you peace. Look for the things you still can do rather focusing on what you can’t. Reach out to a friend or family member. Tell them you’re struggling. Distancing yourself from others physically doesn’t mean you have to emotionally. In fact, it’s even MORE important to stay connected with your support system right now.

Finding ways you can contribute is helpful. I find that when I take the focus off myself, my feelings, my worries, and place that focus on how I can help others, I end up helping myself and my mindset in the process. Even though most of us aren’t in contact with those beyond our immediate household, we can still help others out.

What are your strengths? What are you passionate about? What or who are you thankful for? Write your ideas down and figure out how to creatively execute them. Maybe it’s supporting your local small businesses that are struggling to stay open during this time. Perhaps you’re an encourager and a people-person, so you do something to lift others spirits right now.

Personally, along with being outdoors, I’m passionate about true connection, so this whole “not being around people” is tough. However, there are still ways I can reach out to my friends and family right now and tell them I love them. Check in on them. Be present and available.

Remember to have patience and grace with yourselves and those around you. We’re all trying to figure out how to best navigate our way through these uncharted waters right now. Perhaps your greatest contribution right now is remaining calm and steady during this chaotic and rapidly-changing time. We can always use more of that!

There is no better time to put aside our differences, recognize what connects us, and meet each other there. I am encouraged when I see the ways our community has come together to support and lift each other up. I am proud when I read the good news stories, or see how appreciative we have become for some of the occupations we once took for granted.

Let’s keep it up, friends! We are all stronger together, collectively, than independently. Reach out, find/do/surrender to what brings you peace, and KNOW that you are not doing this by yourself.